Why am I doing this now, when so much has happened in my life? What has become so important that I spill my secrets out upon the electronic asphalt during rush hour?
It's been a long time, but someone in my life has made such an impact on me that I actually care about them enough to do everything possible to get better; as a person, a woman, freind and maybe someday as a lover too. His loyalty is undisputable, his care for me stellar and his freindship is without question. I want the best of me for myself but for once, I actually WANT to share it with someone else.
I didn't always feel this way, in fact earlier this morning I posted elsewhere that nothing influenced me. I was still trying to convince myself that my feelings weren't real in an all consuming attempt to protect myself from rejection. However, a recurring dream I have reminded me that this isn't necessarily so and I could be very wrong. I envision the dream when I go on my morning walks, always.
In this dream I am walking barefoot through a large garden. I'm wearing a white cotton/gauze two piece ensemble of a midriff shirt and calf length skirt. I look like some sort of angelic gypsy; graceful and elegant as I pad my way between the many rows. It is almost autumn and the rows in this garden are filled with ripened vegetables, fruit, flowers and herbs. I weed while picking what will become part of that evenings meal.
As I rise and walk toward the back of the house, I notice him standing there watching me and a smile comes across his face. It's a devilish grin with a bit of a blush which tells me he may have been standing there more than a few minutes. I walk to him, becoming encased in his arms and a sense of peace and security surrounds me. He cups my chin in his hands and our lips meet in a gentle yet passionate embrace.
This is where the dream ends, always. I don't want it to end here and although things have tamed considerably something tells me that this is not near any kind of end, not by a long shot.
It's been a long time, but someone in my life has made such an impact on me that I actually care about them enough to do everything possible to get better; as a person, a woman, freind and maybe someday as a lover too. His loyalty is undisputable, his care for me stellar and his freindship is without question. I want the best of me for myself but for once, I actually WANT to share it with someone else.
I didn't always feel this way, in fact earlier this morning I posted elsewhere that nothing influenced me. I was still trying to convince myself that my feelings weren't real in an all consuming attempt to protect myself from rejection. However, a recurring dream I have reminded me that this isn't necessarily so and I could be very wrong. I envision the dream when I go on my morning walks, always.
In this dream I am walking barefoot through a large garden. I'm wearing a white cotton/gauze two piece ensemble of a midriff shirt and calf length skirt. I look like some sort of angelic gypsy; graceful and elegant as I pad my way between the many rows. It is almost autumn and the rows in this garden are filled with ripened vegetables, fruit, flowers and herbs. I weed while picking what will become part of that evenings meal.
As I rise and walk toward the back of the house, I notice him standing there watching me and a smile comes across his face. It's a devilish grin with a bit of a blush which tells me he may have been standing there more than a few minutes. I walk to him, becoming encased in his arms and a sense of peace and security surrounds me. He cups my chin in his hands and our lips meet in a gentle yet passionate embrace.
This is where the dream ends, always. I don't want it to end here and although things have tamed considerably something tells me that this is not near any kind of end, not by a long shot.
Baby don't be afraid, come play with me.
